People and Trust!
Trust is a subjective thing. Sometimes we
trust someone every easily. Sometimes we take a lot of time to trust someone.
You can trust two different people for two
different reasons and share two different incidences with them. For example, you
can trust someone to share your professional issues but you might not trust the
same person with your personal issues. Similarly, you might trust someone with
your personal life. But not with your professional life. Even in personal life,
you might share your family issues with someone else and your dating life with
someone else. And sometimes, someone trusts someone completely and shares
everything with the same person. Is that good or bad? To share all with the
same person?
I can’t answer this question in good or
bad. It is too complicated to answer in just one word. Also, it is not my right
to decide for you. You have to choose it yourself. But I would like to tell you
what I think. I definitely don’t think that trusting one person with all your secrets
and feelings can be categorized as good or bad. It always depends on the
situation rather than the secret. One of my friend had break up because he
trusted his girlfriend with all his secrets. Whereas my other friend has the
best relationship with his girlfriend because he trusts her with all her secrets.
It is not easy to trust someone, and it is
not necessary to have that trust for the lifetime. Trusting someone is not
wrong and not trusting someone is not wrong either. Trust becomes right or
wrong depending on the person and circumstances.
“Trust
is an important pillar of a true relationship” is
true. But there should be an absolute trust for a true relationship is not true!
(At least I think that way. I believe one
should not lie in a relationship and be honest. But that doesn’t not mean that
every truth needs to be told.)
Even though trust makes you earn respect
for you in the eyes of your partner, it doesn’t not guarantee that it would
keep the love un-phased. And it doesn’t not guarantee that you will never be
judged on the basis of what you share. We all know that people tend to judge
us. Even those who don’t even know the complete story or the exact reason
behind what has happened and why exactly it happened. In such a case, would it
be good to trust such a person, with what you have to share? I have seen two
people who love each other break up only because one partner shared something
out of trust to the other partner, which the other partner could not handle.
And even though she loved him and she knew that he can’t do anything to change what
happened in the past. She could not bear to be in relationship with him
anymore. Their bond of love broke up because of one little secret he shared. Which
he could have easily kept to himself and could have had the love of his life,
in his life. Then what went wrong? Was he wrong to share everything with her?
or was she wrong to judge him on the basis of what she found out? I can’t
actually comment on any of the questions. So I leave it to you do decide what
went wrong.
There is a great chance that the girl you
are dating now had a past relationship and you too have had a past relationship.
And that’s not an issues. Because it is not necessary that you should find the
perfect person for you in the first try. And you should definitely not stick to
the person even if you know that he/she is not compatible with you. You need to
let of the wrong person if you want to find the right person.
But, for example, say, if I am dating a
girl. A girl that I think is, THE ONE.
And I want to share everything with her. In that feeling, I start sharing my
past relationships with her. How they started, how they went and why they
ended. She knows that I had relationships before and she has accepted it. But
if I keep talking about my Ex, because I want my current girlfriend to know
everything about me… Then, even though she knows that I share everything with
her out of love that I have for her, someday, she is going to get irritated by
listening about my Ex. In her heart, she would shout out, to make me stop, but
she won’t say anything out loud because she would not want me to feel that she
is not interested in my feelings and my life. But it would affect her every
time I bring up the topic of my Ex. The worst part is, someday I might share something
that she won’t like. She might feel jealous if it is good. Or she might not
like my stand on that particular situation or something else. But if I keep
sharing every point of my past relationships with her, then, it would
definitely happen that someday, she would find something that would hurt her. There
is a saying, “If a cop follows your car
for a long time. He is either going to find a busted tail lamp or he is going
to bust it himself.” Someday, she would get angry on something, and it would
damage our relationship. And I would be thinking, what wrong did I do by being
honest with her about my past.
We all expect honesty to be rewarded, but we
forget that honesty and reward are two different things, that are not necessary
to be together all the time. If it was the rule, then every murdered would have
accepted that he has murdered someone and expected that he should not be
punished because he has been honest about what he did. But does that happen??
When trusting you partner and sharing
everything with your partner affect your relationship, you start to think, what
if you hadn’t said that. What if you had kept that little thing inside your
heart. Then you wouldn’t have been seeing issues in your relationship. What if
you would have just shut up when you should have? Was that so hard? But we
think about all of it after the mistake has already been made.
Legal-illegal is clear as black and white.
But ethical and unethical is not. Sometimes what is correct for you might be
wrong for someone else. And sometimes, your trust on your partner can earn you
respect, but it can also reduce the love that your partner has for you, at the
same time. You can’t expect honesty, reward and love to walk hand in hand, all
the time. It doesn’t happen. A person should be honest. But being honest and
sharing your honesty should be two different things …
I have heard this and even used this a lot
of times, “I want to tell you something,
but promise me, you won’t get angry!”. Smiley…
When you know that she is going to get
angry, then why share? And how can you expect her to not to get angry only
because she has promised you? Promises are given or asked or kept for material
things. No promise has a control over what a person feels! So how to expect such
a thing?
The person who you trust can be glad for earning
your trust. Would not judge you for a few things that you share. But you can’t
be sure that he/she will not judge you for everything that you share. So it is important
to know what and who to share.
One should trust people, it is important. You
can’t live life without trusting anyone. That’s not possible. You need to have
someone to trust. But with that, you also need to understand the extent of
trust that you should have on that person. One should understand that not
everything should be shared to everyone. And there are certain things, which
should be kept to ourselves only!
So trust people, trust your partner and be
honest. But always remember, lying and not tell the truth are not the same
things. There are certain things, which are better not sheared!!!
Do not share everything with everyone. Know
what to share with whom!!
I hope I have been able to express my perspective properly. It was difficult to explain trust and I feel about it without making it sound like I am against trusting someone or being honest with someone. So I want to make is clear that I believe in trusting people. Smiley...
Thank you for reading the article. If you like my writing, you can search for my novel…
I Don’t Need Reasons. I Need You!
I agree!
ReplyDeleteBuilding up trust takes time, infact it takes more time when it comes to maintaining it with our life partner.