Relationship and Sex!

Hello,                                                             

I Avinash Meshram, welcome you to my blog, Shades of Life. I hope you like my articles. 

I have three questions today.

Three of my friends...

Friend 1. 

He got into a new relationship. He asked his girlfriend for sex. She said no. He waited for a few days and then one day, they met and he tried to get close to her. She stopped him and asked, "Is sex necessary? can't we have a relationship without sex?"

Friend 2.

He tried to have sex with his girlfriend four times, in a month. But because of one or the other reason, they had to stop in between. At the end of the month, he asked again. His girlfriend said, "Why do you always talk about Sex only?"

Friend 3.

He got into a relationship recently. He tried to get close to his girlfriend. It was the first time for the girl. So she was skeptical. Still she did it. But when it was done, she felt guilty and asked, "Why couldn't I stop you?"

Three different girls. Three different questions. Same topic...

I am writing them all in the same blog because I have the same answer... that is... Is the question really relevant??

It is difficult to talk as a third person. So, hypothetically, say, I am the guy in all three cases.

Necessity can be measured in case of materialistic things. I agree to that. Like, breathing is necessary to live. Money is necessary to survive. Food in necessary and all.. Similarly, there are things which can be said to be unnecessary by some people. Like for me, it is not necessary to have my own airplane!

But how can we put feelings and emotional attachments into the brackets of necessary and unnecessary? Because in that case, I can deem everything to be unnecessary. Why friends are necessary? Why girlfriend is necessary? Why is it necessary to share my feelings with someone? Why is it necessary to have a relationship and Why is it necessary to have sex?

Nothing is necessary!

Just wake up, eat, work, eat, sleep and wake up again. Become a robot. Who stopped you?

And if you don't want to be a robot then why is it necessary to open yourself to some parts of emotional feelings and keep your heart closed to the other parts?

Isn't this the only life you have to live? Isn't it impossible to go back in time and live that part of your life which you had kept closed before? And if you know the answer then shouldn't you live every Shade of Life?

Biologically, sex is just two bodies coming close to reproduce and keep the cycle of life running. It is a very important and necessary part of life. 

But that is not it!

Emotionally, sex is an expression used to express your love for your partner. To embrace her love for you and to feel the excitement and affection you have for each other... It is not just some process necessary to do, when the time is right.

If you are just friends. The you can get closer to your friend emotionally, without thinking anything physical with him.

But when you are in a relationship... Things change. With emotional closeness comes an urge of physical closeness and with physical closeness, things lead to sex. These are the obvious steps of every relationship. So, if you don't want sex, then you should not have physical closeness with your partner. And to avoid physical closeness, you should not get close to him/her emotionally either. And if you don't want to get close to him/her emotionally, then why do you actually want a relationship with him/her in the first place?

I didn't force her for a relationship. I didn't force her to get emotionally involved with me. I am not forcing her for sex either. But is it really relevant to say that Sex is not necessary? Is sex, not a part of a relationship. And if she says that it's not the right time. Then I would really like to know what is the right time? Who decides the right time? And what is the definition of the right time? Shall we have sex by checking the time or we shall have it when we feel like it?

And, if we meet everyday. I talk to her. Hug her. Embrace her. Everyday! Out of those everyday, one day, I feel like to get close to her. And she feels the same too. But she has to go early. I respect her time and stop. We meet the next day and I try to move forward with where we left. But she gets an urgent call and has to leave. Then we meet again the next day, I again try to move forward with where we left. She doesn't stop me either, but after a few kisses, I realize that she is not in the mood. Her mind is somewhere else today. I love her. I really love her, and not just her body. I want to feel her, not just to fuck her. 

So I stop!

And we keep talking, being into each other's arms. I don't have the slightest regret of stopping. Because I love her and as my partner, I respect her and her decisions.

Time goes by... We keep meeting. After a few days, I feel like to get close to her again. She too feels the same. We both start making out. But before we move ahead her phone rings and she has to leave. She regrets it this time. She feels bad because she has to make me stop every time because of one or the other reason. But I still don't regret it. Because, though, I like having sex with her. But sex is not the reason why I am with her!

Few more days pass.... We are together. I try to get close to her. And she suddenly says, "Why do you always want to have sex?"

Now that is strange. 

If you look at it with one perspective, then yes. We tried to have sex 4 times in last one month. Which seems like a lot. But if you look at it with another perspective, then, we met everyday in last one month, and we only tried to have sex four times, and failed in it. So technically, even though we met everyday, we never had sex, which is kind of a very big deal considering how much we love each other. So, I don't really understand how that question is relevant?

And if I love her. She loves me. I want to get close to her. She is skeptical because it is her first time. But she still let me get close to her and then feels sad because she could not stop me. Then I could first, find myself very lucky that she thought of myself to be worthy of not stopping. But also, I would feel guilty for making her feel sad.

What do we really loose when we have sex? Nothing!

And what is really lost in loosing virginity? Nothing!

But what do we gain by having sex?... Satisfaction, happiness, emotional attachment to your partner, science even says that sex helps in reducing stress.

Then why should one feel guilty for having sex? 

I believe that having sex or not should be a personal choice. Having it with the person you love or having it casually should also be a personal choice. And no one should force anyone for sex. (Neither emotionally nor physically. I am strictly against it.).

But with that in mind... one should also not think that expecting sex with your partner is bad. Or expecting it again and again is bad. And most importantly one should never feel guilty for having sex.

So I have the same answer to all the questions. They are not relevant and they should not exist.

If you don't agree with my view then no pressure. smiley.

I would be glad if you comment what you feel.

Thank you!

                               

Thank you for reading the article. If you like my writing, you can search for my novel…

I Don’t Need Reasons. I Need You!

Relationship and sex = https://www.hillray.in/connected-or-attached/