Why did my love fail?

May 26, 2020

Hello all,

I Avinash Meshram, welcome you to my blog, Shades of Life. I hope you like reading my blog. Smiley.

My friend asked me this question, when his girlfriend broke up with him. I would continue that conversation as a first person now.

It sounds crazy but we connected on our First Date, like we had known each other since ages! It was so good that we ended up kissing each other on the First Date! And we started missing each other as soon as the date ended.

We spent next few nights talking. Entire Nights!

It was all really good!

We connected very well and the grass was greener everywhere!

I started smiling my heart out. And I started smiling for no reason! She was amazing. (She still is amazing!)

We were going fast, but it still felt right. Like it was all written!

I wanted to give our relationship a name and I wanted to tell her that I love her. But before that, I wanted to tell her one incidence of my life.

I told her that. She left sad to know that. She said she can't be with me after knowing that.

I said okay. It hurt me to let her go. But I didn't want to force her to stay. She felt bad too, and she said, "We can be friends."

But I couldn't see her just as a friend. She was someone special. Saying I would just be friends with her and still feeling for her would have been insult to friendship.

So, I asked her to be with me wholeheartedly. Or just let go of me!

It was hard for both of us. To think about leaving each other. The last few days were really amazing and we felt that we connected. But there seemed no other way. Sadly...

I asked her to think for a day and decide. I said I would wait for her call. If she calls, then I would know that she is mine. And if she doesn't, I would get my answer!

She too promised me that if she calls me then she would be the way she was before knowing about that incident. Otherwise, she won't call me at all.

The night was very difficult. I spent it looking at my phone. Sleep was nowhere near me. There was just an undying hope... of her call!

Somehow, with sunrise, my eyes shut. But I got up within two hours looking for my phone. There was no call from her. My heart started to sink. But it was my decision to let her go. And it was a correct decision. I couldn't have her halfheartedly. I just couldn't!

I knew it must be hard for her too!

I was not the only one suffering. I had promised her, to not to call or text her. But my promise was never more important than her. How could it be? How could I value my promise more than my love?

I texted her, "Please don't get hurt because of me. With time you will forget me. So please don't be sad."

In the evening she called!

She was sure that she wouldn't call me. I had started to loose hope. So when her call came. Even though I knew what it meant, I asked her why she called?

My heart was pounding. I was afraid. Hoping it is not a good bye call. Closing my eyes and wishing for it to not be the end! Felt like the time had stopped and not moving forward.

Finally...

She spoke. And said, "I just couldn't live without you! I don't care what your past is? I only care that you are with me."

I din't believe what she just said. I was excited, amazed, and filled with emotions! I just didn't know how to react. The grass was greener again. Smiley.

Next few days were amazing...

But then... She changed... She said, she didn't love me anymore!! How??

And the reason she gave was the same incident of my past!

I fought for my love. What is love, if you don't fight for it?

I tried very hard to win her back. I poured my heart out for her. But she didn't agree. She just didn't agree. And when she had nothing left to say, she said, "I know you love me. I know you love me very much. And I have also loved you. But I just can't get through the incident you told me. If you still try to convince me then I will say yes to you but I will not love you from my heart."

What can I say to that?

I loved her. I loved her very much. And I showed her how much I loved her.

I respected her. I respected her freedom. I respected her decisions. Whenever she was not being able to give me time, I never argued about it. I never forced her to be with me when she couldn't. I cared for her. I made her smile. I made her happy. I understood her. She accepted that I loved her more than she could imagine. But even after that, she couldn't let go of one incident!

And I can't even do anything about it. I can't fight for my love anymore. Because, I can't go back in time and change that incident. I wish I could. I really wish I could. I love her to the moon and back and I would do anything possible for her. But unfortunately, going back in time is not possible for me! And it is also not possible for me to ask her, to say yes to my love, without loving me from her heart!

It is like... I am drowning... She is standing there stretching her hand so that I could hold it and save myself. But she says, "I don't wish you to hold my hand."

Now what shall I do? Shall I save myself and defy the wish of the love of my life? Or shall I die, to keep her wish? Which is the better option?

I chose to keep her wish.

I am dead now... Just breathing... not living... and asking myself...

Was my love so weak that one incident was enough to overpower it?

What really was there to do in love that I didn't do? Could someone ever love someone more than I loved her? If I did everything right...