Women and Freedom of Choice!

Hello all,                                             

I Avinash Meshram, welcome you to my blog, Shades of Life. I hope you like to read my blog. Smiley...

My friend has been approached for marriage a few days ago (arranged marriage). She is not interested in getting married right now. And she didn't like the profile of the guy either. 

For now there seems no problem in the guy. He is good looking, belongs to a settled family, has a settled business and has a luxurious lifestyle.

Now, after reading about the guy, normally one should think, "Why should she reject the guy? There is no reason to reject him."

Her family thinks the same way. And that's why they were trying to convince her till today. She tried a lot to make them understand that she is not ready, but nobody listened to her. And finally.... She agreed today!

She is not happy. But she agreed!

After listening to her, a few questions raised in my mind...

1. Why should she reject the guy?

2. If she has no practical reason to reject him, then what is the mistake of her family for forcing her to accept it?

3. Who is wrong in all this incident?

Looking at the guy's profile, I too don't think that there should not be any reason to reject him. Not at least before giving him a chance, by meeting him a few times. But, it is the matter of her life long relationship. And relations are not formed by logic but formed by heart. She saw the guy's profile and didn't feel connected with him. Then, it doesn't matter how good the profile is, she has all the right to reject him. Even if he is the best guy in the world ... She still has the right to reject him if she doesn't want to marry him. It is the fundamental right of freedom of choice! Isn't it?

And if it is her right then why should anyone force her to change her decision, including her family?

I agree that her family cares for her and have good intentions for her in their hearts. But does that mean they get the right to make decisions for her? Does that mean, she doesn't understand what is good for her or what she wants? Does that really mean that they have a right to force her in a marriage is doesn't want?

But for the third question... in this all incidence, I think, she is wrong!

It is her fault that she bent in front of her family. It is her fault that she agreed for the marriage even when she is not happy with her own decision. She thought that it is the compromise she has to make for her family. For their happiness... But why?

Why couldn't she understand that she has the right to take her own decisions without thinking about what other people think about it? Why couldn't she understand that as much right her family has over her, she has equal right over them too. So, if they think, forcing her to change her decision is correct then why couldn't she think that staying on her decision is correct too? If they are not thinking about what she is going through, then why should she think about what would they go through if she doesn't agree? Why should always a women think about the consequences in such matters?

She is an independent girl. Well educated and qualified. She can take care of herself even if she has to leave her home. and still, she can't go against her family? What is the use of all that education, maturity and equality that she was expecting her entire life when she has to bend down at the end? 

It is her fault that she can't defy her family.

And it is not only her who is in such problems.... There are many women like her. Reasons might be different, but output is always the same... compromise!

If boyfriend asks girlfriend to change her dressing sense, she agrees.

If husband and wife are working in different cities. Usually it is the wife who either asks for transfer or finds another job in the same city.

It is usually woman, who tries to work in some job where growth prospectus is very low but the profile matches to the timings of her husband's job and location.

It is usually woman who decides to leave her job or reduce pressure of a job by working in a lower position to take care of her family.

It is usually woman who compromises for the sake of her loved ones.

It is usually woman, who follows...

And the worst part is, it is usually a woman who suggests a woman to compromise!!

Women compromise for one or the other reason, a lot of times and those compromises then become part of there lives. They loose there Freedom of Choice, without even knowing it.

I am not against making compromises...

I know that every relationship needs making compromises at some point, by both, man and woman. It is impossible to have a happy relationship if none of the partners agree to compromise for anything. Making a compromise is an essential part of every relationship. But the bond of relationship grows stronger if those compromises are made by choice and love. Not by force!

Why should domestic violence only mean physical harassment? Why shouldn't forced compromises be seen as Domestic Violence too? And why should a woman not stand against it? Why should life be so worthless for a woman to make it easily compressible whenever needed?

We keep talking about women empowerment.... 

But according to me, women empowerment won't be successful until women themselves start thinking of them as empowered. Not just in terms of education or job. But also in terms of emotional empowerment and valuing there Freedom of Choice!

Thank you for reading the article. If you like my writing, you can search for my novel…

I Don’t Need Reasons. I Need You!